Dear Tobacco,
It was a beautiful sunny day for the funeral.
We drove into Olds a little early, so we stopped at the Timmy's in town there. It was pretty busy for a Friday afternoon, but we figured it was a good place to spend a few minutes so we weren't the first ones to the church. I cried a little when I saw the prayer card for Eric on the counter next to the till - it was such a perfect picture of him just before he got sick. It made me think of how many people his deep voice had touched, and how many lives his towering stature impacted to have his memory paid honour to at the local Tim Horton's. I well up a little now just thinking about it.
I cried hardest when his wife, kids, and grandkids walked down the center of the church behind his coffin. Jon held me tight as I struggled to not make too much noise or to draw too much attention - it was such a hard moment.
The eulogy was perfect. It was funny, sad, heroic, honest, and enduring. His son did a wonderful job.
I asked you earlier this week to not come to the funeral - I told you that you weren't invited. And while you didn't come inside while lit, I did smell you clinging to a couple of people that came to pay their respects. It broke my heart to see a few people hiding by their car just to share a guilty moment with you. Yet again it's your power that brings them into these moments of severe conflict where they might have been saying in their heads....
"How do I go to a funeral for someone who died of lung cancer and not emotionally kill myself because I'm out here having a smoke?"
Odds are they are a little deader inside thier souls at the same time they are a little deader in their bodies - you don't have to be so selfish you know, can't you let a person grieve without hurting themselves too?
posted by Rea at
8:23 p.m.
3 Comments:
Rea,
This is a beautiful blog with thoughtful and insightful posts. It is particularly compelling to read because you acknowledge the tremendous power of nicotine and smoking and the reality of what it means to the psyche of many people, yet the damage it causes, and you tie it all together by looking at it as a societal and corporate problem. I look forward to following it and your journey. Thanks and good luck!
By
Michael Siegel, at 1:01 p.m.
"How do I go to a funeral for someone who died of lung cancer and not emotionally kill myself because I'm out here having a smoke?"
By knowing that smoking doesn't cause cancer but that it increases the incidence of cancer. By believing that it was not smoking that killed Eric but a combination of aetiological factors some of which might have been far more significant than the tobacco.
I love your writing it is very poetic.
By
Anonymous, at 2:38 p.m.
Gasdoc,
Perhaps they might feel a little better medically - but Karmically I'd have to disagree.
:-)
By
Rea, at 9:47 a.m.
Post a Comment
<< Home